Chika Jonah Writes

Category: Inspiration

  • Mistakes and Failure – The pressure to be perfect

    It was the end of junior holidays and becoming a senior student was a long awaited dream. Finally i get to choose the subjects i want. It was a good feeling because now your books and workload would be made up of your favorite subjects. A week before resumption dad called me to the living room.

    “How is your preparation for back to school?
    “Going smoothly dad. I’ve got everything listed so i don’t forget anything”, i said smiling “and I’m going to get more items tomorrow dad”. I continued. He nodded approvingly.
    “Have you decided what to major in?” He asked.
    “Yes i have” i replied smiling sheepishly.
    “And i hope that decision is for science”.
    “What?” I turned and faced him properly. My smile vanished and a frown appeared on my face.
    “I want you to choose science and become a science student. Hope you’re getting me?”.
    “No dad. How can i be a science student?”. I thought of how terrible i was at mathematics, physics and chemistry; i knew nothing about chemical formulas, the mere thought of science terrified me. “Dad i can’t choose science, i don’t like science subjects, they’re boring…” I ranted on near tears hoping he would understand.
    “The same way you managed to pass them, you would continue to do so. You’re my first child and you have to listen to what i say to you. Science is the best choice for you and i also want the best for you my daughter”.
    “Please dad….please”. I pleaded.
    “No i don’t want to hear your excuses. You should know that you can be a doctor, pharmacist, an engineer and a lawyer. So you’re doing sciences. And that’s final”. He looked sternly at me and stormed out of the room.
    With those words he ended the girls dream of being an art student but what he didn’t know was that, she was as stubborn as he was and he couldn’t end the girls will.

    Thinking back at that conversation, it was so hilarious. I mean who does science to study law in the university? Its absurd. And my dad was hell bent on me being a science student so that i could study a science related course in the university or study law (A typical African father mentality) – *laughs*

    Its not embarrassing for me to say i always failed woefully in mathematics. The highest score i ever had was forty seven over hundred, which was still an ‘F’. So how was i supposed to do great as a science student. The worst of them all was further mathematics, i always sweat when i think about it. I remember every time the paper was before me in exams i would always battle with perspiration till the point where i would give up trying because the end result would still be a seven over hundred (what a waste of time and energy – *laughs) No matter how had i tried i couldn’t just understand it.

    I remember after that conversation with dad, i was turn between both sides. I found myself at a crossroad; to follow my dream or to follow my fathers dream for me. As a child i was scared of going against him. I wanted to please him and hear him sing my praises on his lips. I was on edge throughout the first week of resumption. I kept rubbing my hands together, and i hated that kind of feeling. I just wanted to have peace. Each time i looked at my government teacher or my literature books i almost cried because i couldn’t bear missing all that. So i ended up choosing what made me happy. I became an Arts student, i knew i could still be a lawyer and since that was partly what Dad also wanted for me, it felt right. So i made a mental note to deal with his anger for disobeying me when i get back home during the holidays.

    During the holidays he got over his anger. They all saw that nothing could melt my resolve and stubbornness so they all accepted it. After all, i still wanted to be a lawyer just like he wanted me to be so it wasn’t all bad. His misconception changed after he paid great attention to the fact that i was more glad studying arts. In the long run admissions for law was closed so i ended up studying Economics in the university, which i eventually fell in love with. Dad was happy, very supportive and more proud because i didn’t give in to the pressure but i choose what i wanted for my self.

    Why am i sharing all this?

    To correct the mistake of expecting too much from the people we love.
    “When we expect too much we get disappointed”

    We put too much pressure on the people we love to be perfect; be it our children, our spouses, our boyfriends and girlfriends, our close friends and our pastors. When the simple truth is no one can be perfect.

    We expect supernatural behavior and when we get human behavior we tackle them, blame them for their short comings and throw abuses at them. And because of those hurls thrown at them; firstly, they sink into low self esteem and begin to see themselves as weak, useless, good for nothing people. When this thoughts cloud their mind it quickly turns into insecurities, they see themselves as their own enemies, they lose trust in their capabilities and in their passion and dreams. It becomes like a venom that poisons their mind, soul and spirit. Secondly, they fear you. They fear you so much that they would do anything humanly possible not to arouse your anger, and to avoid you throwing words that remind them of their mistakes and failures.

    When there is this pressure to be perfect it leads to more imperfections because they do everything for you and loose themselves in the process.

    I met a girl at the wedding of a friend for the first time. She was a quiet and calm girl and after the wedding we all went our separate ways only to hear last week that she committed suicide in her room in school.

    Why? (A question i regret hearing the answer)
    Because she failed her exams, she couldn’t handle it so she committed suicide my hanging.

    I kept asking myself what would have pushed her to harbor such thought and the will to go ahead with it? It was terrible. What pressure the world had put on her as an only child to pass with perfect grades?

    I still don’t know the answer to that question but i wish things had been different for her.

    Its important to know that its okay to fail. Mistakes would always be part of our lives because we are human. We are not some god or some superheros. Its okay to be weak. Its okay to make silly mistakes. Its okay to be different. Its okay to be disappointed. Its okay to not have all you want presently. Its okay if we are scared once in a while. Its okay if our kids and partners choose their own path.

    Its best if they choose their path not the path we want for them. Only then can they live without regrets. And deal with whatever comes their way.

    It is our imperfections that complete us. It is those imperfections that make us call on God and lean on him.

    Choose to live your dream and not the dream of someone else
    Choose to spread love, courage and positivity
    Choose the pursuit of your passion
    Choose what gives you peace
    Choose to stay calm under pressure
    Choose You; Even when everyone frowns at it.

    Thank you for reading to the end.
    What are your thoughts on this? How best do you deal with failure? Share your response by commenting on the comments section. Hit the like button if you had a good read.

  • Look deep. The power lies within

    First off, she’s not my baby. I’m not a mother. Yet. And I’m still very single. Could you do me a Favour? Swipe up and take a good look at that picture again. Isn’t she breathtaking?
    I was at the office desk when this little one came in lying on her mothers arm. Her mother is a very loyal client, and after gushing and mushing over her, the next thing that came to my mind was take her pictures. I did just that and it was an amazing experience. I went back to work and couldn’t stop smiling at her gorgeous form. I was obviously smitten by this breath of fresh air. She became my morning inspiration (which was totally different from my mornings this past few days…) I silently whispered how wonderful God is. She was the true definition of perfection.

    Enough of the baby talk…Back to real talk

    For a week now, I’ve been coming home very late from work. I was always working overtime and its not like an extra cash would be in my pocket or my account balance would increase. Nothing of that sought. It was messing with my activities and ruining my plans, and was turning into a normal routine and i got pissed and knew that things needed to change. On Friday morning i promised myself that it would be different. I had a zillion things to do , chores were piled up, emails needed to be replied, i needed to run on errands, Bottom line; i needed to put my life in order.
    I organized my to do list, set a reminder and threw myself into work. Five minutes to closing time i received a call

    “Hey Chika, please wait for me okay. A client is coming. Don’t worry we wont take long”
    “Hmm..” I replied groaning. Really? Did they have to come now? What happened to an hour or two hours ago? I complained. I knew that the opposite of what my boss said would happen. And it did.

    They came in twenty minutes late, wasted an hour and ten minutes on something that would have been handled in twenty minutes. For every minute i was attending to them my anger grew. I was so angry that i could kill an elephant and that anger was evident on my face. I could take anything but i cant take anyone or anything messing with my plans and schedule.
    Finally, after what seem to be an eternity, she glanced at me and saw the ugly frown on my face and stood up “You can now go dear. I’ll do the rest. Well done” she said. My thought was, what’s the need, the damage has been done.

    Sitting at the back of the cab on my way home, i was still angry, it was eight thirty and i was no where near home, the traffic was crazy and the heat was scorching. ‘Today would be a wasted day again’ i murmured. I brought my face closer to the window and glanced out and the cool breeze clapped my face. It was so refreshing that a small smile appeared on face and the next thing i said was ‘I love you God’. Chika really? Two seconds ago you were angry and now you are smiling and confessing your love. Wow! I laughed at the thought. That’s what happens when i see God everywhere. I get all happy and romantic.

    Just as my anger vanished at the thought of God and his beautiful creation. I knew my workload could also vanish. I decided that no matter what it takes i would definitely achieve whatever was in my to do list that night.

    The minute i reached home, i threw my bag on the bed, changed to my shorts, tied a scarf on my hair and started working. In five long hours i was done with cooking (i love my home made food), laundry, doing the dishes, organizing my books, arranging my notes, replying my mails and…Whoop!!! I was done.

    By three in the morning i was lying down on the bed reading a book with my sleepy eyes, alongside listening to ‘You Say’ by Lauren Daigle, and waiting for sleep to drift me away. I knew i only had three hours of sleep left but i didn’t care. I had climbed over a mountain and achieved what i thought my body and strength couldn’t achieve. I realized God gives us the strength and power, and it would always be there for us as his children. But the real recipe is our ability to set our mind on the goal and be determined; that is the true power within us. The power is not in the things that make it easy. The power is in us.

    Just like this cute little girl. The magic is not in the multivitamins she’s been given everyday, nor in the nutritious baby food nor the scented baby lotion and powder, nor the pretty cloths and accessories. No! The real magic is in the mother who feeds her, who comforts her, who looses sleep for her sake, who would go hungry for her sake, who baths her, cleans up her mess and make her refreshed, clean, comfortable and pretty always.

    Even the business and career men and women, boys and girls. Its not the computer staring at you on your office desk, or the branding and packaging of your products. No its you! You take the idea and turn it into a workable project. Your skill, potentials and proficiency increases your market structure, maximises your profit and gives you efficient and effective result. Its all in You.

    To the student its not in the thousand and one books been recommended, or the fully air conditioned halls, or the beautifully flowered surrounding. Instead, its in your ability to learn and be focused at every chance. Its those night you stay awake for knowledge. The power is in you darling.

    To the Chef. Its not in the industrial kitchen utensils, or the great spices and best ingredient. No. I mean you’re amazing , you gather all these raw grains, food and condiment from different parts of the world and turn it into something tasty and edible, delicious and sumptuous. So don’t fuss dear. You’ve got it all in you.

    To the designer, its not in the best fabric or the stitches or the amazing sequence, but its in your ability to turn pieces of fabrics and material into fashionable wears that are stylish, sleek, cool and trendy.

    Or is it the event planners and decorators that take anything and everything that comes handy and create our dream home and imaginary event; weather its our dream wedding, our fantasy engagement, the best parties and the tidiest corporate event ever.

    Even the writers and bloggers who through their passion, knowledge, research, and life experiences create long and short contents that are inspiring, motivating and educating. Even with their busy schedule they never stop and You see people from all parts of the world building a community of shared thoughts, experiences and love. I really don’t know how they do it. I’m still growing. They are truly amazing.

    So celebrate your efforts, skills and capabilities. And when you fall remember you’ve got a God who’ll always make his strength available and you’ve got everything within you to rise up again.

    The power is not in the sword but in the one who wields the sword”

  • When the hustle gets hard and you loose yourself in the process? Get inspired!

    When i look at this picture i see a girl at ease, with a smile so bright, so free spirited and so relaxed and carefree. I really don’t know what must have been going on in her mind or the challenges she must have been facing at the time of the picture but all i can see now is a girl that is enjoying the little and simple things she loves doing and is obviously happy about it. So what do you see?

    * * *

    Last night by ten i closed the store and locked the gate. Afterwards i turned to go back inside when i decided to just walk round the compound. With my hands in my knicker pocket i walked slowly. When i reached where the cars were packed my legs stopped and my body followed. I knew why; it was because my mind was no longer in motion. i was looking hard at the blue Toyota jeep packed outside. It was not the jeep i was focused on, it was the car bonnet. I was not just looking at the bonnet but i was remembering the moment i spent doing God knows what on it. As i recalled every moment a lone tear fell from my eyes…
    I remembered the girl…
    I remembered the girl in the picture…

    I couldn’t forget how bright and silly she could be. Her favorite place was sitting on the bonnet of the car on a dark chilly night. She loved sitting there holding a paper juice and savouring its sweet taste. She loved lying there; resting her head on the glass and counting the stars with her fingers. She loved giggling at the moon when ever she remembered the African night story of a grandma who lived in the moon and always carried a log of firewood on her head. She was a girl who called nature her sister, called every bird in the air her brother and called every flower her friend. She was a girl who loved taking a long walk on a lonely path and enjoyed every moment. Sometimes she took the weekend in search of other straight long path roads she hadn’t yet explored. She was a girl who looked at every mannequin she saw and gave them sweet names to identify them and when she sees them the next morning she would call them by their names, and when they didn’t answer, she would laugh so hard, remembering the fact that mannequin’s couldn’t talk.

    What happened to her? Where had she gone to? How did i lose her? I asked myself as i slowly leaned by the side of the car door. I missed the girl in me. I couldn’t remember when last i really relaxed and did those silly, fun things that were a part of me. Now it was just reading, writing and watching movies which i loved a lot, but those silly, awkward and weird things were the things that made my eyes so full of life, those were the things that made my smile wide and big like the deep blue sea.
    I couldn’t recognize myself. It was like that part of me never even existed but deep inside i knew it did. It was just that something took over and clouded it.
    Thinking hard i knew what overshadowed that personality. It was the Hustle.

    The hustle is hard and we tend to lose ourselves along the way.

    At a time when Nigeria is in recession, things were scarce and hard and my responsibilities increased. I work ten hours a day for six days a week and on Sundays, after church and tons of meetings, chores and errands all i want to do is jump on the bed and take a nap at the end of each day. The little time i had in between was for reading few pages of a book and writing along side. I had no time of my own. For me it was time and increased responsibilities. I had no time to give my self which made me pay less attention to the things i love doing and in turn made me lose a part of myself i never wanted to lose in the first place.

    For Grace an acquittance of mine, it was family problems. When i discussed with her i saw the bitterness in her voice and the dreams she kept hidden.

    She said ” Every time i wake up instead of waking up to appreciating a beautiful sun kissed morning, i wake up to a call of gregarious expectation and need”.

    Every time they asked for something it took a part of her away. Every time they needed something she lost something of her own. Her hard work and hustle never benefitted her. She never got to enjoy it. It was always for her brothers, sisters and parents. It was a sacrifice she had always done for a long time and have kept doing till date. It stole the excitement in her life. She was always indoors after work, hardly socialized and hardly did anything for herself. Grace said it’s been a decade since she ever did what she loved doing or did any of the silly playful activities she did as a child and wanted to continue doing.

    Its funny how one day you are the person you’ve always wanted to be and the next day you find that you’ve been broken into bits and pieces and a big part of you is missing.
    One day your life is whole and the next day a problem presents itself before you and all your sweat, and tears is focused on eradicating that problem or challenge, that you lose your self in the process.

    I always used to pride in the fact that i knew how to keep the balance. This picture is a reality check that i hadn’t kept the balance in a long time.

    I want to work, hustle, keep my family, handle my responsibilities, enjoy my relationships, read, write, play, have fun, play and play again. All at once. Tied together in a scarlet thread and held bound together as one.

    Yesterday night i made a mental note to bring back that girl in the picture. My life is incomplete without that part of me.

    What have you lost that part of your self to? Can you maintain the balance in your life? Or are you struggling with the same things? Have you found the balance? And what was that thing that made you lose that smile and the free spirited part of you?

    Share them with me in the comments section. Don’t forget to click the follow button and receive notifications of my blog posts.